Shunning the Resolute*

Dream by Priscilla Ahn ringing in my ears
New Year's Resolutions running through my mind
    As a kid, I never gave much thought to New Year's Resolutions. I always thought it was something that you did once you got to Middle School, or something. When I reached Middle School, I figured, "I'm a kid, there isn't much I need to change about myself," and decided that High School was when I'd start setting and striving to achieve any yearly goals. Once High School rolled around, I acknowledged that I am a truly lazy person and responded to resolutions with with the same method I reserved for huge papers and projects: procrastination. Now that I'm in my second year of college, I feel like this is something I need to take seriously.
    It's being impressed upon me more and more that I am an adult and need to be responsible, be driven, and act on that drive. I have to instill good habits now so that I can depend on them later in life - don't ignore my alarm clock now, because if I do in the real world, I'll be late and be fired; don't procrastinate and stay up all night to complete a project, because once I get a real job, if I do that, I'll oversleep, ignoring my alarm clock, be late, and be fired; write down everything I have to do, because if I don't, I'll forget until the night before, stay up all night, oversleep, ignoring my alarm clock, be late for my job, and be fired. You see how all my bad habits now will eventually lead to the deterioration of future me's job?
    So I've gathered (read: been told time and time again) that I need to set some goals and "resolutions" for myself, to become a better person, and to help future me keep my job. The problem is, I still view New Year's Resolutions in the same way I did in Elementary, Middle, and High School. I know they would probably help me a good bit, but I also know that I will never stick to them. I could say that my resolutions are:
    1. To go to sleep earlier and wake up on time.
    2. To eat healthier.
    3. Not to procrastinate.
    4. To keep track of everything in a planner, like they tried to make me do in Elementary and Middle School.
    5. To submit my first book for publication.
    6. To finish my second book.
    However, I know that I'm going to:
    1. Stay up until roughly three a.m. tonight doing who even knows what, sleep through my alarm, and be extremely rushed to be at work at ten a.m. tomorrow.
    2. Eat Chick-fil-A until I throw up, and then go get Zaxby's.
    3. Wait as long as I can to go get my books for my classes, thus making myself overly stressed.
    4. Insist I can remember when I'm supposed to work this next week, then promptly forget and have to go back in to check my schedule again.
    5. Delay submitting my book because for every "no" I receive, a piece of my soul will flake off and die. Plus there's always something I can improve, right?
    6. Give myself a "break" on my second book because I just spend a whole month writing it - I have plenty of time to finish it.
    Look there - I already have reasons why I don't need to stick to my resolutions, so what on earth is going to keep me going through the whole year? The answer, reader, is nothing. Nothing will keep me going, so why start? Not trying at all is way better than failing. That way, no one has to know that I'm a failure. They'll just look at me and assume, as anyone would, that the reason I have not set any resolutions for myself is that I am already completely perfect and there is nothing about myself I need to change. Why would I correct them?
*This entry is rife with sarcasm. You have been warned.