Letters to Inanimate Objects 2/12

Listening to Cruella DeVille from 101 Dalmatians (cause I'm that awesome)

Trying to destress - maybe some retail therapy?

    So. I've developed a habit of writing letters to things when I talk about them. I realize this sounds very strange, but it makes everyday conversation kind of funny and amusing. I occasionally write letters to people as well, normally when they're standing right beside me. But I digress.

    I've decided that once I week, I'll write a few letters to inanimate objects, or unspecified people, that sort of sum up my week. I half-stole this from my dear friend Hannah (who has a delightful blog here), and my friend Cassi, who wrote letters to inanimate objects in the midst of speaking to people before I made it cool. 

    Just kidding, it still isn't cool. But I'm going to do it anyways!

    Dear Toaster Oven,

Clearly there is some miscommunication going on in our relationship. I'm positive I told you to "Lightly Toast" my food, not char it. If there's something we need to discuss, by all means, bring it to the table... err, counter, but get it out in the open. This relationship isn't going to work if we both aren't completely clear with what we want. 

    Dear Mothers of Little Boys Who Cannot Aim,

This is an important skill for your child to learn. Not only will I refrain from trying to strangle your little bundle of snips and snails and puppy dog tails, but learning to aim and "hit the target" as it were will help the kid gain important motor skills for little league and the like. Don't just lock him in the stall alone, please, for my sake.

    Dear Dove Chocolates with Peanut Butter Inside,

I realize that eating an entire bag of you is going to make me exceedingly sick in the near future, but let's face it here. You're not doing anything to stop me. Maybe if all your little sayings and secrets on the wrappers didn't hint at something to the effect of eating another, we wouldn't be in this predicament. But they do and we are. I blame you. 

Love,
Sarah Jane