Letters to Inanimate Objects 3/22

from footballgrly973 at iconator

Bouncin' along to She Moves In Her Own Way by the Kooks. It's just so darn catchy.
Reveling in the fact that I'm wearing summer pj's with my window open. Thank you, Georgia.
    I really need to be more consistent with my blogging here. But let's face it. I'm nothing if not completely inconsistent with everything I do. It's part of my charm. Right? Don't answer that. Here are some random Letters to Inanimate Objects. Do enjoy, dear reader.

Dear Georgia Weather,

    Your spring breezes are delightful, and I'm loving that the nights are open-window-worthy, but I beg you, for the sake of all things itchy and watery and sneezy, let up on the pollen. I'm nerdy enough every day of my life without having to wear my stupid glasses because my eyes are two swollen red itchy hives. I pay a lot of money for those contacts since obviously I have to bribe them with cash to get along with my eyes. Now you're shooting little yellow allergy bombs into my eyeballs and ruining their fragile tolerance of one another. You take your golden powdered breezes and go blow yourself. (Ha. Ha ha. See what I did there?) 

Dear Cold That I've Had For Over A Week,

    This is a formal letter demanding your surrender. I'm armed with Zyrtec, Zycam, Vick's, DayQuil, and off-brand Tylenol Cold and Sinus, and I'm not afraid to take them all at the same time. I see that you've entrenched yourself in my lungs and chest, and I'm warning you, that's dangerous territory. You want trench warfare? I'll gas you with the daggum humidifier. I realize that my attempt at annihilating your stronghold in my throat with that throat-numbing spray didn't work well because I couldn't keep my tongue down, so I ended up numbing that, but I'll have you know that if you turn this into pneumonia (again) the hospital is heavily armed and a strong Ally. Prepare yourself you disgusting menace, 'cause the Benadryl grenades are flyin'. You. Are. Going. Down.

Dear CoverGirl Outlast Lip Stain,

    I've heard a lot of negative reviews about you, but personally, I've been very pleased. I love the fact that I can put you on, and have good color that doesn't immediately scream "I'm wearing lipstick!" After you're all dry and soaked in, it doesn't even feel like I'm wearing anything, and I can put Chapstick on top and it doesn't change the color at all. 200 awesome points to you. (Although, I'd like to try a different color..) 


Sincerely,
Sarah Jane