This Just In: Letter to the Public at Large

from BestCousinsEver on iconator.com

Listening to Comfortable by John Mayer, for Corey. 
Psyched for tomorrow! Sekrit trip!!
Tonight, I have a special Letter to the Public at Large, and only one Letter to an Inanimate Object. Sorry if it's mean. I'm just being honest. Read, absorb, and act, my friends.

Dear People of the Restaurant-Going Persuasion,

Most restaurants close at a particular time. While it may be somewhat inconvenient for your hunger needs, it is very important to the employees of those restaurants, who have lives, and aching feet, deteriorating sanity, and sleep habits. Most restaurants and eating establishments firmly suggest that you leave the premises precisely at their closing time - Starbucks, for example, has done this to me. Yes, I agree that you never want to be booted out of a restaurant, but you have to understand there's a reason they do it. They have to close, clean and stock and organize. Now, where I work, we don't tell you to leave when we close (at nine, FYI). We tell you that the restaurant is closed, and please use the side door when exiting the building (which someone always fails to accomplish), but we don't kick you out. This lovely news bulletin applies to all restaurants, not just the one at which I work. Two things: Don't walk in the door at 8:59 when you know the restaurant closes at nine. Yes, you do know it closes at nine; it's on a sticker on the door of every restaurant, and when you walk through the door at 8:59, my manager is telling you that we're closed over the speaker. Secondly, if you happen to arrive at that time and want food, don't order it and sit down to eat. That's rude. It gives us more dishes to wash, more tables to wipe (because I promise you, someone just wiped that one before you sat down and dumped your dinner on it), and requires that we wait until you leave to bring in the coffees and teas and start cleaning. Be polite and order it to-go. We'll gladly bag it for you. And one more thing. If you come in at 8:45 and sit down to eat, don't ignore the fact that we're closed at nine just because we don't kick you out. We're being considerate of you by not doing so, so you should be considerate of our closing schedule and leave within at least five minutes of our closing. For your own sake, don't sit in your crumb-covered dirty-dish-laden booth until 9:30, unless you want every employee to hate you. Personally. I realize that our restaurant is a fantastic place to hang out and eat a relaxed meal and chit-chat with your pals, but if you're there until 9:30, some employees may not leave until midnight. I don't know about them, but when I die of exhaustion and sleep deprivation, I will haunt all your meals the rest of your life. Your every bite will be watched. I'll use my ghosty-powers to clean your table and put away your dishes before you've even started eating. So you can either enjoy that forty-five minute dinner now and suffer eerie meals under my watchful glare the rest of your life, or you can be kind to the tired employees of restaurants everywhere and thank them sincerely for their hard work over your meal as you amble out the door at closing time.
Sincerely,
Sarah Jane

    Sorry if that was a bit harsh, guys. On a lighter note:

Dear Book,

I'm really excited about tomorrow. We're gonna have so much fun. I'm adding some awesome stuff to you very soon, and tomorrow I'm doing some research for it on a super sekrit trip. Get psyched. I get to take out my Handy Dandy *pause* Notebook again for, well, notes. And I'm excited. I haven't added anything new to you since the November before last... It's gonna be TIGHT!
Until we meet again,
Sarah Jane