Endless Rewrites

Listening to Blue Ocean Floor, by my man JT. I really cannot get enough of this album.
Thinking about writing and the many issues that accompany it.
    I was reading old posts to be sure I still wanted them on the blog. Just on a whim. I stumbled on one from the December I'd first started this blog. I'd just finished my first NaNoWriMo, and I was filling in the blanks between big events in the story. The same story I'm working on now, only this is a complete rewrite. I was having problems, I wrote, with the boring and the mundane. The every-day events. Now that I've changed so much of the story, I'm trying to tone down the big events so that they don't take so much stage. I don't want them to be the center of the story, to stand out from it. I want it to all be one continuous line. The way the novel should end, were I to put it in musical terms, is on a softer note, and the whole story should lead up to it at the same tempo, but still with a sense of forward motion. Does that make sense?
    The thing is, I took two short story writing classes, and my strength, unbeknownst to me, is writing the mundane and still making it entertaining. I would take small vignettes and make a story out of them, and though nothing huge happened, it was still a moving and engaging story. That's the feeling I want to evoke in this novel. It doesn't lead up to the big bang ending you want, but you're content with it nonetheless. This is apparently my strength, isn't it?
     So why do I find myself struggling with it? Someone de-riddle this for me, because I'm losing my patience with myself.
***Added*** Shout out to my good friend Hannah from Hannah Cynthia Lane for being such an awesome reader and writer, for that matter! (Y'all go check out her blog ASAP; she makes me giggle like a hyena during a hostile takeover.) Hope you have fun in Fiction Writing this semester with Big Daddy Platt. Also known as the Plattypus. (Side note, don't call him any of these names. We kinda got him angry a few times.)

I'm Back!

from here

Listening to Clopin Clopant by Django Reinhardt. I'm learning to love this guy. Reminds me of the music from this Pixar short.
Contemplating what to make for dinner. Veggie Pizza? Chicken with goat cheese and lemon butter herb sauce? The possibilities are endless! Actually the possibilities sort of end there... I need to expand my cooking abilities.
    Hey, peeps! I'm back! I think life has officially calmed down enough for me to begin blogging semi-consistently again. Stop laughing. I'm going to get better at it. So, an update, yes?
     Finally reached the end of the semester, and got my grades back - two As, a B, and a C. I know, I'm not super happy about the C either, but the class was difficult, and I didn't enjoy it even though I worked hard for it, so I'll live with it. I'm pretty sure one of the Bs was borderline C, but my final project really made the difference in my grade. And the As were in my two favorite classes, so they were expected.
    Back in the last week of April, Coco was deployed. I'm not sure I'm allowed to say exactly where he is, but I'll just say middle east. I get to hear from him once a day if I'm lucky - a little facebook message if he can get access to the internet - and yes, it does suck. He could be there anywhere from seven to nine months. So if y'all could keep him in your prayers, that would be delightful.
    On Saturday night, my sister and I took my mom out to the Cheesecake Factory for Mother's Day. It's a tradition because Maggs and my mom love cheesecake. (My dad was out of state visiting his mother.) The dinner was absolutely delicious, as per usual, but I got the wrong dessert. I ordered the Chocolate Tower Truffle Cake, which is not in fact a cheesecake, but chocolate cake layered with chocolate mousse. I got it last year and only had three bites the first night then put it in the fridge at home, and by day two, everyone else in my family had eaten it for me. Even though they had their own cheesecakes to eat. So I didn't get to eat my own cake. This year, they gave me a truffle cheesecake instead. I hate cheesecake. So I didn't get to eat my cake this year either. Sadface.
    On a brighter note, I started a writing group with some friends this summer. We're meeting every other Wednesday to discuss what we're working on and critique each others' writing. Four of us are actually working on novels, and then the other one is doing short stories. For the sake of their privacy, I'll use the following nicknames: Kelly Kapowski, Moose, GI Bob, and This Friend. I'm pretty psyched about it. Finally letting people read the book I've been working on for the past four years - it's been four years now, guys!
    So yeah. Gonna be a fun summer. Gird your loins. Ha.

Confession Time

from aceshowbiz

Listening to Finger Snappin' by the Maynard Fergusen Octet
Trying to be a better, more successful, more organized human being
    Warning: The following post is long winded. Brace yourself.
    Here's the deal. I love concepts. And ideas, and theories, and notions. I think of lots of awesome ones all the time. Then I write them down in random lists that get stuffed in my purse or under my bed or in my desk or thrown in my car, which - let's face it - is a Dumpster with an engine and an iPod cord.
     I love concepts, but I am so bad at seeing them to fruition. Let me clarify that. I'm bad at seeing them completely to fruition. I'm great at starting things. Finishing them, not so much. Which is why I have an entire art shelf full of beads and stones for my jewelry company, string for my super-awesome macrame bracelets, paints from my ambitions to become an artist, and a bowl of shells - I really don't even know on that one.
    That's also why I frequently wake up with just enough time to jump out of bed, into whatever clothing is at hand and speeding like a madwoman to class. Every semester, I think, "Nine-thirty. That's nothing. I've made it to work at eight before plenty of times. A nine-thirty class is pie." Thing is, at the beginning of the semester I think I can eat that whole pie by myself. In fact, I get to class early a few times, eagerly devouring those first bites of sweet cherry pie morning goodness. Then I start to realize that I don't really like cherry-flavored anything. Why did I like this pie? The filling is just too sticky and sweet and it glues me to my bed, and I still have three-quarters of that stupid pie left, and did I realize how much it tasted like Robitussin when I first started eating it?
    Where was I going with this? Oh right. Finishing things.
    There are only a few things I have completely finished in my life. I know that sounds really sad, but this is going to be motivational for me, and you, my dear readerlings, are my witnesses:

• Last year, I knitted myself a matching hat and scarf set. The most I've ever made was baby booties, and I can only use a pattern once or I get bored with it and don't want to finish it the second time. This year, I knitted one for Coco Bean, who has yet to receive it.

  

  The blue hat and scarf are the ones I made. The black one on my sister is crocheted, and I didn't make it.

This is Corey's hat. The pom-pom is removable, and mostly a joke. Because I like to laugh.

• I finished learning an entire jazz piece by Vince Guaraldi - improv and all - and can now play it without pause. In the past, I would learn the parts of the pieces that were more straightforward, and say, "I'll get to the improv," but I never did. This September, I learned the whole dang thing. And yes, I am very proud of it.
• I wrote a book. No, it is not published yet, and no I haven't submitted it to be published, or queried an agent. I probably won't for a while. I'm still convinced it could be better, but that's not the point. The point is that I finished it, and even though I've been working on it for three years, I still love it as much as the first day I brain-birthed it in Anatomy my senior year of high school. Which means I'm still willing to put work into it to make it the best it can be before I send it out into the world. (See Anne Bradstreet's The Author to Her Book. Major poem love.) I even have ideas for other books, two of which I've been steadily working on, and I fully intend to finish both of them, too. 
• I wrote this super fun intermediate level piano piece that changes time signatures like mad, and bounces along in a way that always makes me smile. I guess I should've prefaced that by explaining that I've actually written quite a few piano pieces for my mom's students' recitals, but this one was one that had been marinating for quite some time, and when I finally got it out, I was actually really proud of it. The other ones were my mom saying, "Write a piece for [insert munchkin pianist here] that sounds like clouds/a hoedown/evil clowns under your bed," and I'd sigh dramatically, even though it would be easy, and write it. This one wasn't inspired by anything, and doesn't have a name. It was just me playing with a melody in my head. So I'm proud of it.

Those are the things that immediately come to mind, but there probably isn't much more, unfortunately. That being said, here are the things I want to accomplish this semester. I'm putting them here so that I'll be really embarrassed when... I mean if I don't accomplish them, which should spur me to complete them.

1. I want to be nicer to people. Smile more, and be more grateful for what people do. I try to do this anyways, but I have a temper, I'll admit, and sometimes the temper sort of vomits anger and irritation on anyone in my path. This tends to scare people off. A few of my friends at work - Tyler and Andrew - have joked with me that the reason I'm not dating anyone is because I'm not a (pardon the language) "bad enough bitch". They say I need to act like "I'm a bad bitch and I know it." But the truth is, I'm not. I'm almost always a happy person; I love to laugh and make people laugh. On that note, my laugh is super loud and dorky, I bounce around when I get excited, and I don't have a problem with that. I'm a huge dork, and proud of it. So my efforts are going to go towards being more of the fun, silly, dorky person that I think God intended for me to be and know that I'll date someone who appreciates that whenever he comes along. (I don't know how this went from be nicer to people to wait for whoever God has planned for me, but I think that means something important. So I'm leaving it.)
2. Try really hard to understand and do well in Statistics. At the beginning, things were easy and I was like, "Yeah! I'm gonna dominate this class!" And then Statistics rose like a sleeping tiger and said, "Psych! Watch me slash your butt to ribbons with my VARS claws!! Ha ha!" and the first test was a bit of a stinker. Now, math is not by any means my thing. I swear I'm a little dyslexic with numbers, although I was never diagnosed. I can't tell you how many times I miscount my drawer at work because I forget that there's a twenty-three between twenty-two and twenty-four, or I read the total as "71.36" when it's really "17.89" and the customer freaks out. And today in Stats, man my calculator and I were having some communication issues (I've got a letter for it for later on this week). 
3. I want to finish editing my book. Really badly. I have no idea if it will happen, since I have a massive amount of writing, reading, and analysis to do for my fiction writing class, but I want it to. Writing really is my passion, although I have recently accepted it is probably not how I'm going to be making bank in the future. But I do want to pursue it on the side at the very least, which I cannot do if I don't finish the thing. Getting a good draft of my next book down wouldn't be bad either, but I'll take what I can get.
4. I'd love to be on time on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, so that I can bathe and look nice, and have coffee and not want to kill myself because I haven't been awake long enough. Doing all of the readings for my American Lit class wouldn't be bad either. I do some of them, I promise, but when I was reading Walden (sorry, Thoreau) I about plucked out my eyeballs. And I need them to read the sixteen - yes, sixteen! - books that I've begun and not finished and are all piled on my dresser. So this one kind of counts as two.
5. Not complain so much at work. For the most part, I'm a pretty happy, loud, and nice person at work - I'm not going to say anything about my work ethic, because that's for others to say; this is just about attitude - but when I get in a mood, people can tell. I've been told that I complain about my problems a lot, and that I'm always down on myself (although not in a depressing way, if that makes sense - more like, ha-ha-my-life-sucks-but-I-laugh-about-it). That's not what I want, though, or what I mean to do. I don't need to unload my problems on my coworkers, or let any stupid useless emotions get the better of me, so I'm going to try very hard, and pray that I'm not a burden on anyone and that I can work with a joyful heart. Kinda goes with number four, but you get the picture.
6. I want to do better at saving my money. In the middle of this summer I had nearly enough money to move out with three roommates, but it fell through, so I ended up just spending the money (on stuff for school, mind you, but spending it nonetheless). I will be flying up to North Carolina to visit Corey over Thanksgiving (even though I'm terrified of plane flights), and I need to have money for the flight, and also money to spend while I'm there so I'm not a burden on him or anyone else. And after that, I want to look for an apartment and roommates (any takers? I'm super fun to live with *cough cough*), so I'll need moneys to move out. 
7. This one's a bit more difficult, but try not to stress so much. Whenever I get stressed, I get tense, and irritable and my immune system crashes (like this past weekend, and um, now). My back and neck get super tight, and I literally cannot relax. Even if I'm laying in bed, sleeping, my body is still stiff and tense, and I sleep so hard I'm physically sore in the morning. I've been seeing my chiropractor for the past four weeks, and - although I haven't seen her in a while - she said my spine should be realigning properly by now, and staying that way, but it's not because as soon as she finishes adjusting me and I leave, the stress sets in and I start to tense up again. I know that's not a healthy way to live, so I want to make a conscious effort to stay more relaxed and not let things get to me so much. I've only got one life to live and I can't live it wearing my shoulders as earrings. 
8. Actually post my blog posts on time. Like, choose days of the week to post and do it, gosh darn it!

Sorry for those of you who read that whole thing - there probably aren't many of you left at this point. So here's something to make you laugh, because I laugh every time I see it. :)

Summer in the South

from Shay002 at iconator.com

Listening to Tonight Tonight by Hot Chelle Rae (I swear, greatest song to happen to me this summer. May or may not have been listening to this on repeat for the last six days.)
Missing Coco Bean the Marine. Sounds like a tough guy, right?
    Summer in Georgia is boring. Like driving down I-16 from Macon to Statesboro with a broken radio boring. Especially when you have to save your money. If you have money to throw around, there are plenty of things to do (e.g. take trips, go to theme parks, buy every season of How I Met Your Mother), but if not, your options are very limited.
    In light of this fact, I thought I'd share the ways I've been entertaining myself (and could potentially entertain myself) on a low budget.

1. Continuing to edit my book. There have been a few setbacks and downers, but I'm determined to finish, even if the possibility of publishing looks grim.
2. Buying cheap string from Michael's and making awesome bracelets that cost way less than the popular ones in stores. (Since when did the stuff I could make in fifth grade start selling for thirteen bucks?)
3. Reading new books. Can't wait for this one. (Okay so this one isn't always cheap, but if you ask me, it's a better use of my money than a one-time theme park ticket.)
4. Finding a cool spot from which to watch a sunset. Take pictures.
5. Hanging out with friends.
6. Writing letters - to people and things.
7. Watching old animated Disney movies - c'mon, I know you have them all on VHS. Dig out the VCR and enjoy them, fuzzy picture and all.
8. Watching a bunch of trailers on IMDB and making lists of what upcoming movies I want to see. What? I like lists. 

    So there you go. Eight ways to entertain yourself during a boring summer in the south. I wish I had more, but truth be told, I'm about as bored as you are! 

Busy Bee!

from xVoLcOmShOrTiex at iconator.com

Bobbing about to Lovefool by The Cardigans (It's Big 90s weekend on Star94 - I can't help it.)
About to go to work. Yay..
    Ciao, Bloglets!Thought I'd throw in a quick post to let y'all know I'm still alive! For the last two weeks, I've been writing papers galore and finishing finals, and working, and having no social life, but I'm finally finished! I fought my way out with three Bs and one A, and I'm pretty happy about that considering I probably shouldn't have passed Italian. Hey, it's cool - he just gave me a B. For the heck of it. I'm not complaining, I promise.
    My goal, however, is to have my book finished by the end of May so that I can start sending out query letters and such, so if I happen to disappear from the blogosphere (that totally rhymed), you know why. :) Don't worry, I won't leave you forever. I'll try to keep tossing in a few posts here and there to keep you on your toes.

This Just In: Letter to the Public at Large

from BestCousinsEver on iconator.com

Listening to Comfortable by John Mayer, for Corey. 
Psyched for tomorrow! Sekrit trip!!
Tonight, I have a special Letter to the Public at Large, and only one Letter to an Inanimate Object. Sorry if it's mean. I'm just being honest. Read, absorb, and act, my friends.

Dear People of the Restaurant-Going Persuasion,

Most restaurants close at a particular time. While it may be somewhat inconvenient for your hunger needs, it is very important to the employees of those restaurants, who have lives, and aching feet, deteriorating sanity, and sleep habits. Most restaurants and eating establishments firmly suggest that you leave the premises precisely at their closing time - Starbucks, for example, has done this to me. Yes, I agree that you never want to be booted out of a restaurant, but you have to understand there's a reason they do it. They have to close, clean and stock and organize. Now, where I work, we don't tell you to leave when we close (at nine, FYI). We tell you that the restaurant is closed, and please use the side door when exiting the building (which someone always fails to accomplish), but we don't kick you out. This lovely news bulletin applies to all restaurants, not just the one at which I work. Two things: Don't walk in the door at 8:59 when you know the restaurant closes at nine. Yes, you do know it closes at nine; it's on a sticker on the door of every restaurant, and when you walk through the door at 8:59, my manager is telling you that we're closed over the speaker. Secondly, if you happen to arrive at that time and want food, don't order it and sit down to eat. That's rude. It gives us more dishes to wash, more tables to wipe (because I promise you, someone just wiped that one before you sat down and dumped your dinner on it), and requires that we wait until you leave to bring in the coffees and teas and start cleaning. Be polite and order it to-go. We'll gladly bag it for you. And one more thing. If you come in at 8:45 and sit down to eat, don't ignore the fact that we're closed at nine just because we don't kick you out. We're being considerate of you by not doing so, so you should be considerate of our closing schedule and leave within at least five minutes of our closing. For your own sake, don't sit in your crumb-covered dirty-dish-laden booth until 9:30, unless you want every employee to hate you. Personally. I realize that our restaurant is a fantastic place to hang out and eat a relaxed meal and chit-chat with your pals, but if you're there until 9:30, some employees may not leave until midnight. I don't know about them, but when I die of exhaustion and sleep deprivation, I will haunt all your meals the rest of your life. Your every bite will be watched. I'll use my ghosty-powers to clean your table and put away your dishes before you've even started eating. So you can either enjoy that forty-five minute dinner now and suffer eerie meals under my watchful glare the rest of your life, or you can be kind to the tired employees of restaurants everywhere and thank them sincerely for their hard work over your meal as you amble out the door at closing time.
Sincerely,
Sarah Jane

    Sorry if that was a bit harsh, guys. On a lighter note:

Dear Book,

I'm really excited about tomorrow. We're gonna have so much fun. I'm adding some awesome stuff to you very soon, and tomorrow I'm doing some research for it on a super sekrit trip. Get psyched. I get to take out my Handy Dandy *pause* Notebook again for, well, notes. And I'm excited. I haven't added anything new to you since the November before last... It's gonna be TIGHT!
Until we meet again,
Sarah Jane

Why Positivity Doesn't Pay Off

from HunHunHoney on iconator.com

Listening to Alligator Sky by Owl City (Feat. Shawn Chrystopher) Check it out - it's a pleasant surprise!
Avoiding editing my book. I can't handle the ugly.
    I woke up today and (despite having a really weird dream involving zombies and tattooing dead zombie skin) decided that today would be a good day. I rarely do this. It's not that I'm a negative person; I just don't consciously think, "Today will be a good day."
    At first, it seemed like it was working. I was only a few minutes late to class. (Being late for me is normal; my internal clock is perpetually slow. Yesterday I thought for some stupid reason that my class didn't start until 11:30. Where I got this idea, I couldn't say. Italian has been at 11:00 a.m. since January. The day before I almost drove away with the gas thing still in my car at the gas station. I'm losing it, I swear.) I got an A on my research proposal. And I had a lovely plan in my head to get a new pair of (better fitting) shorts and a soft off-the-shoulder tee that I'd seen was on sale. 
    I have two pairs of shorts from last summer that are now too big, so I thought I'd sell them back to one of those stores that buy new and gently used clothing. I knew that denim shorties were on sale at American Eagle for under 25 (convenient, right?), and I also had a 15% off coupon. I figured with the money from two pairs of shorts and the discount, I'd get those shorts at a steal. 
    I went to American Eagle first to be sure that the shorts looked okay on me, and to find the tee that was on sale. Unfortunately the tee wasn't on the floor, so I asked an employee for help. She brought out three in my size from the back - black, white, and hot pink. None of those three colors really look good on me, so I asked if she'd be able to find any of the pastel tees. She went to look and there weren't any in my size, but there was one in a Medium, so I took it. I figured, it's on sale, sure, right? Well, I brought all of it up to the counter and asked if she'd hold it there so I could go sell my shorts and get the money for it. She seemed happy to oblige, but I felt that she was probably irritated with me having her do so much for me. 
    Cut to the new and gently used store. Zoom in on a super cute navy blue white polka-dot romper by the counter. Eight bucks. What. A. Bargain. So I bought that, and when I did, they told me they couldn't buy back either of my shorts. Way to ruin my whole set up. They did give me a 10% discount on the romper, but still, $7.64 from $8... Anyways, I got into my car eight bucks poorer and Little Red (my car) took that opportunity to say "Low Fuel." Perfect.
    Back at American Eagle (now bereft of $28), I couldn't possibly come back and tell the poor girl who'd gone through all that trouble for me that I didn't have the money to buy that shirt I made her dig for and the shorts. So I bought them. For forty freaking dollars. 
    Can you hear that? It's the few pennies I have left echoing as they clatter to the floor of my bank account.

Letters to Inanimate Objects 4/9

From Artemodelo at iconator.com

Relaxing to Mountain and the Sea by Ingrid Michaelson
Geeking out about my awesome delivery from the mailman!
So, I'm definitely overdue for a post, I know. I'm sorry for slacking. Truth be told, I've had quite a week! I could have posted Tuesday, but I just didn't feel like it, and the rest of the week flew by, so here I am. And here are your letters to inanimate objects for the week - and one person! (Still looking for another interesting post-tradition.)

Dear Herbal Essences Touchably Smooth Shampoo,

    Do you realize how awesome you are? I don't say that to all my new inanimate friends, either. I was a little hesitant trying to forge a relationship with you in the shower two days ago (that sounds kinky, doesn't it?), but boy did we hit it off! (Yeah, that sounds really kinky.) Not only do you work wonders, but you smell fantastic, and linger all day - even through the stench of the back kitchen at work, and that's no small feat! I worked from ten a.m. to four p.m. today, and when I hopped in the car and took down my hair, fwoosh! I was hit with a glorious whiff of your sweet scent! So refreshing after a long day. Keep up the good work!

Dear Mac-and-cheese from work,

    I really enjoying eating you (gosh, why does everything sound dirty today?), but you make me sick every time. I've tried over and over. Even when I take you home and eat you after work (good grief.. maybe I shouldn't even go on..), I still feel ill. (Before this starts sounding any worse,) I think we need to end our relationship. Sorry. 

Dear Coco,

    I've sent you letters, I promise. Letter upon letter. But your letter told me you hadn't gotten any! That's extremely disheartening, because I wrote you a letter every day for the first two weeks since you've been gone. Albeit, I put them all in one envelope, but still! I used the address your dad gave me - the second one - and still you haven't gotten it? What gives, person-who-delivers-letters-to-guys-in-basic? I spent forever on those letters! Knock off your slackin'!


Sincerely,
Sarah Jane

Where Does The Time Go?

from pinkcheer72 on iconator

Swaying to Sway, by Michael Bublé (appropriate, eh?)

Wondering why on earth I'm up at 2:30 a.m. writing a blog post that will likely be about nothing.

    I can tell you one reason I'm awake. 

    I watched Snow White again, tonight. No, not the one that kept me awake until dawn, the Disney version. But still. As my friend Jeremy said, "There are some things - like that witch - that just stay with you, and no know matter how old you are when you watch it, it'll still get to you." You'd think I would have learned, right? Wrong! It came on after Enchanted on ABC Family. Nothing can go wrong after Enchanted. 

    It occurred to me today just how much time I waste. Not just doing random things on the internet (which, believe me, I do), but in general. I waste a lot of time waiting to fall asleep, driving to class, eating, redesigning my blog and Twitter (you like? It only took me three hours to get the fading and size right. Thank you, Picnik). I must spend a ton of time on my phone, because it was 98% charged this morning when I left for my 9:30 class, and 10% charged by tonight during Snow White, at 9:00 p.m. You'd think it would hold more charge over twelve hours. Perhaps I expect too much. After all, I did name her Persephone. She has to spend half of her life in the underworld (read: not charged).

    Also, I don't have anything constant about this blog. My dear friend Hannah has lovely little things she does every week on certain days on her blog, which I'm totally in love with, by the way.  In fact, she blogs every day. I'm lucky if I get something in every four days. If this blog is to have any point at all, I really need to get my act together and write on a schedule. I do write every day, but not necessarily for the blog. More often, it's for one of my books, or (as of late) a letter to Corey who just went off to basic training. What I need to do is choose something specific (like letters to inanimate objects) to write on a certain day every week. More than one would be fantastic, but I'm blog-blocked.

    Any suggestions? Comment, Tweet, or Facebook them to me! Thanks bunches!