Sorry!

Click for credit.

I'm not listening to anything because it will distract me from my work. But guys. 20/20 Part 2 is out. It's my reward for getting all this crap done.
    Sorry, I know I'm a terrible person. You don't get a new post today (aside from this, which really doesn't count). The four of you who read this can punish me later. Too busy now. I had to close at work today so I was there until seven, and now I have two papers and three Catullus poems to write and translate by tomorrow... And I don't have time for a post.
    But Thursday! Get excited. I did some cool stuff this weekend, and I'll tell you about it then. I promise!

Hot Cross Puns

from sissykazam at iconator.com

Listening to People Watching by Jack Johnson. Go listen to this song now. It's so cute.
Laughing at my own pun-dividuality (okay, that one was a stretch...)
    For anyone who knows me personally, you know that I am completely obsessed with puns. For those of you who don't (all five of you), here it is: 

 

    So I've decided to add a new weekly post, dedicated to the really terrible puns I make, and the ones I hear and laugh at like a crazy person. If you don't like puns, you don't have to read these posts, but I'm an English major, and I love words, and playing with them. So here are your first puns!

• Three weeks ago, I had some friends visit me at work (at Panera Bread). I took a break to sit with them for a bit, but was worried that I'd be late when I got back on the clock, so I kept checking the time on my phone. My friend Caroline said I was "Paneranoid". Ha! 
• Yesterday, at work (again), I asked one of my managers how she was doing. She replied, "Oh, you know, another day in paradise." I added, "Yep, we're in Paneradise." Sorry I have a thing for playing with "Panera."
• Today - surprise! - at work, I bagged up a pecan sticky roll and a pumpkin muffin top for a customer. I put them in separate baggies explaining, "The pecan rolls don't play nice with other pastries; they have a bit of a nutty temperament." Ha!! Yay. 

    There you have it! The puns of the week! Hope you at least managed a chuckle. If not - loosen up!

Thanks to Haley for the punny post idea. I'm on a roll, here.

 

Calming the Storm

from PlasticSmileRealTears on iconator.com

Beboppin' to The Fox by Nickel Creek. It's absolutely impossible not to smile when I listen to this song. Or think about Old McDonald. 
Cursing the Yellow Plague from the Pollen Capital of the U.S.
    The most awesome thing ever happened yesterday! It started out being really stressful and upsetting, but then God stepped in and calmed the storm (reference to last night's sermon, check). So here's the sitch. I direct a children's choir at my church, 4-7 year olds. The spring concert for all the choirs was last night. And I was scheduled to work.
    This is a problem, right? Well, this past week and weekend has been so chaotic for me that I didn't even realize the scheduling issue until right before church yesterday morning. I'm talking ten minutes before the service started. So I skedaddled out of the church to make a phone call up to my work. Luckily one of my favorite managers answered and I gave him the skinny. The problem was that on the request-off book - which is really just a daily planner - Saturday and Sunday share a box (Figure A). 

    As you can see, I clearly requested for Sunday night off (Figure B), but whoever wrote this week's schedule misunderstood and gave me Saturday night off instead. It's an easy mistake, and I understand; however, even though it wasn't my fault, I was responsible for getting the shift I shouldn't have covered. Insanity, I know. So I asked Manager J-man for some numbers for people who might could cover my shift. He gave me five. Three didn't pick up, and the two who did couldn't cover it. That left me with quite the predicament, which I fretted over all during the service. I shouldn't have, but it was a very stressful situation. All through the service I prayed for God to work it out, because I didn't know what I was going to do.
    So here was my solution for the worst-case scenario if none of my voicemails were answered - which Manager J-man agreed to - I would go to work at four, work until five-fifteen, then leave for the spring concert, then come back afterwards and go back to work. It would be crazy stressful for me, but I was willing to do it.
    By three, I still haven't heard from any of the messages I left. So I get ready for work. Curl my hair so when I took it out of the ponytail and hat, I wouldn't have the hairband-bend and hat hair, and go to work with my clothes to change into for the concert. The thing was, I was pretty sure that Manager J didn't realize how long I would be at this concert. It would've been roughly half of my shift, not the twenty minutes or so I was sure he was expecting. So I knew I needed to explain this to him. I walked in to work right on time and went on a wild rampage to find him and when I did, he goes, "You know [insert name here] is covering for you, right?"

Me: "She is?? She told me she had her brother's graduation party."
Manger J: "Yeah, she's just coming in a little late."
Me: "Well I wish she had told me!!" *laughs shakily*
Manager J: "She texted me earlier and told me she'd cover for you."
Me: "So... You don't need me?"
Manager J: "I don't think so..."
Me: "That's such a relief! I was freaking out!! Oh my gosh, the weight has been lifted!"
Manager J: *laughs awkwardly* "Yeah, you're good."
Manager L: (hasn't said anything through entire exchange.. not sure if she's okay with it) "Good luck with your concert!"

    I was so relieved I was giddy. I headed out to my car and started laughing like a maniac, and of course one of the new managers, Manager A, was right behind me. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm crazy anyways, but still. Some girl you work with but barely know trotting out to her car and cackling like a serial killer is not something most people are okay with. I didn't care, really. I was, and still am, so in awe of God and how He works things out for His purposes. I shouldn't have worried so much; it was needless stress. I'd already prayed and given the problem over to Him, and just look how he handled it!
    Isn't it great to know we have a God that solves all the little problems that cause us so much strife?

This Just In: Letter to the Public at Large

from BestCousinsEver on iconator.com

Listening to Comfortable by John Mayer, for Corey. 
Psyched for tomorrow! Sekrit trip!!
Tonight, I have a special Letter to the Public at Large, and only one Letter to an Inanimate Object. Sorry if it's mean. I'm just being honest. Read, absorb, and act, my friends.

Dear People of the Restaurant-Going Persuasion,

Most restaurants close at a particular time. While it may be somewhat inconvenient for your hunger needs, it is very important to the employees of those restaurants, who have lives, and aching feet, deteriorating sanity, and sleep habits. Most restaurants and eating establishments firmly suggest that you leave the premises precisely at their closing time - Starbucks, for example, has done this to me. Yes, I agree that you never want to be booted out of a restaurant, but you have to understand there's a reason they do it. They have to close, clean and stock and organize. Now, where I work, we don't tell you to leave when we close (at nine, FYI). We tell you that the restaurant is closed, and please use the side door when exiting the building (which someone always fails to accomplish), but we don't kick you out. This lovely news bulletin applies to all restaurants, not just the one at which I work. Two things: Don't walk in the door at 8:59 when you know the restaurant closes at nine. Yes, you do know it closes at nine; it's on a sticker on the door of every restaurant, and when you walk through the door at 8:59, my manager is telling you that we're closed over the speaker. Secondly, if you happen to arrive at that time and want food, don't order it and sit down to eat. That's rude. It gives us more dishes to wash, more tables to wipe (because I promise you, someone just wiped that one before you sat down and dumped your dinner on it), and requires that we wait until you leave to bring in the coffees and teas and start cleaning. Be polite and order it to-go. We'll gladly bag it for you. And one more thing. If you come in at 8:45 and sit down to eat, don't ignore the fact that we're closed at nine just because we don't kick you out. We're being considerate of you by not doing so, so you should be considerate of our closing schedule and leave within at least five minutes of our closing. For your own sake, don't sit in your crumb-covered dirty-dish-laden booth until 9:30, unless you want every employee to hate you. Personally. I realize that our restaurant is a fantastic place to hang out and eat a relaxed meal and chit-chat with your pals, but if you're there until 9:30, some employees may not leave until midnight. I don't know about them, but when I die of exhaustion and sleep deprivation, I will haunt all your meals the rest of your life. Your every bite will be watched. I'll use my ghosty-powers to clean your table and put away your dishes before you've even started eating. So you can either enjoy that forty-five minute dinner now and suffer eerie meals under my watchful glare the rest of your life, or you can be kind to the tired employees of restaurants everywhere and thank them sincerely for their hard work over your meal as you amble out the door at closing time.
Sincerely,
Sarah Jane

    Sorry if that was a bit harsh, guys. On a lighter note:

Dear Book,

I'm really excited about tomorrow. We're gonna have so much fun. I'm adding some awesome stuff to you very soon, and tomorrow I'm doing some research for it on a super sekrit trip. Get psyched. I get to take out my Handy Dandy *pause* Notebook again for, well, notes. And I'm excited. I haven't added anything new to you since the November before last... It's gonna be TIGHT!
Until we meet again,
Sarah Jane

Letters to Inanimate Objects 4/9

From Artemodelo at iconator.com

Relaxing to Mountain and the Sea by Ingrid Michaelson
Geeking out about my awesome delivery from the mailman!
So, I'm definitely overdue for a post, I know. I'm sorry for slacking. Truth be told, I've had quite a week! I could have posted Tuesday, but I just didn't feel like it, and the rest of the week flew by, so here I am. And here are your letters to inanimate objects for the week - and one person! (Still looking for another interesting post-tradition.)

Dear Herbal Essences Touchably Smooth Shampoo,

    Do you realize how awesome you are? I don't say that to all my new inanimate friends, either. I was a little hesitant trying to forge a relationship with you in the shower two days ago (that sounds kinky, doesn't it?), but boy did we hit it off! (Yeah, that sounds really kinky.) Not only do you work wonders, but you smell fantastic, and linger all day - even through the stench of the back kitchen at work, and that's no small feat! I worked from ten a.m. to four p.m. today, and when I hopped in the car and took down my hair, fwoosh! I was hit with a glorious whiff of your sweet scent! So refreshing after a long day. Keep up the good work!

Dear Mac-and-cheese from work,

    I really enjoying eating you (gosh, why does everything sound dirty today?), but you make me sick every time. I've tried over and over. Even when I take you home and eat you after work (good grief.. maybe I shouldn't even go on..), I still feel ill. (Before this starts sounding any worse,) I think we need to end our relationship. Sorry. 

Dear Coco,

    I've sent you letters, I promise. Letter upon letter. But your letter told me you hadn't gotten any! That's extremely disheartening, because I wrote you a letter every day for the first two weeks since you've been gone. Albeit, I put them all in one envelope, but still! I used the address your dad gave me - the second one - and still you haven't gotten it? What gives, person-who-delivers-letters-to-guys-in-basic? I spent forever on those letters! Knock off your slackin'!


Sincerely,
Sarah Jane

And Coffee Went Everywhere

Pandora-ing Breakable by Ingrid Michaelson
New Addiction Mint Truffle Hershey Kisses
    Remember when I mentioned how I needed to go to bed at a reasonable hour so I wouldn't be late for church and be proclaimed a heathen? Well, in case you weren't aware, three am is not a reasonable hour. Especially when you're coming down with a cold. Get comfy, I've got a couple of rants coming here, dear reader.
    Let me just preface this first one by saying that I have a horrid immune system. And many strange ailments. But those I will not get into at the moment. What I am going to talk about is the fact that, from the second week of classes on, I have not gotten sick once. Not a cold, anyways. I was free from the common cold all semester, and yet now, two days after my classes end, my nose is threatening to fall off, and my throat is made of sandpaper. Feels great, reader, feels great.
    Secondly, it did, in fact, snow today. Enough to coat my car during church this morning (which, yes, I was late for. Don't judge; I'm getting sick).

    The only thing is, it's not quite cold enough for the snow to actually stick on the ground. It has coated some leaves and such that are laying on the ground, but aside form that it's really just floating through the air. Bummer. 
    It's almost eleven now, and it's still snowing a bit, but it hasn't stuck at all. It snowed almost the entire time I was at work, though. Speaking of work, guess who forgot to take the lid off of an urn of coffee when she made it, and let a whole urn of hazelnut cream coffee spill all over the floor. That's right, this girl, right here. My hands still smell like coffee, and I've washed them many times.
    Also related to work, we close at eight on Sundays. Did that stop tons of people from coming in at seven fifty-five? Of course not. So I couldn't start my cleaning 'til they'd all left, which ended up being around eight-thirty. Boo that. Luckily, some very kind people (read: everyone who worked with me tonight) helped me out with all my cleaning; it was my first night closing on my own, and I honestly had no idea what I was supposed to do aside from the windows and floors.
    So... Here I am, totally zonked and with nothing of particular interest to write about. Except that apparently (i.e. according to one of the managers) I sound like a dying cat when I sing gospel music. Epic Fail.
  
    P.S. I've been trying to come up with a statement that is synonymous with "epic fail." Let's face it, folks, "epic fail" is completely overused. We need to give our everyday vernacular a little make-over every now and then. I was thinking something with the word "legendary"...