Letters to Inanimate Objects 4/9

From Artemodelo at iconator.com

Relaxing to Mountain and the Sea by Ingrid Michaelson
Geeking out about my awesome delivery from the mailman!
So, I'm definitely overdue for a post, I know. I'm sorry for slacking. Truth be told, I've had quite a week! I could have posted Tuesday, but I just didn't feel like it, and the rest of the week flew by, so here I am. And here are your letters to inanimate objects for the week - and one person! (Still looking for another interesting post-tradition.)

Dear Herbal Essences Touchably Smooth Shampoo,

    Do you realize how awesome you are? I don't say that to all my new inanimate friends, either. I was a little hesitant trying to forge a relationship with you in the shower two days ago (that sounds kinky, doesn't it?), but boy did we hit it off! (Yeah, that sounds really kinky.) Not only do you work wonders, but you smell fantastic, and linger all day - even through the stench of the back kitchen at work, and that's no small feat! I worked from ten a.m. to four p.m. today, and when I hopped in the car and took down my hair, fwoosh! I was hit with a glorious whiff of your sweet scent! So refreshing after a long day. Keep up the good work!

Dear Mac-and-cheese from work,

    I really enjoying eating you (gosh, why does everything sound dirty today?), but you make me sick every time. I've tried over and over. Even when I take you home and eat you after work (good grief.. maybe I shouldn't even go on..), I still feel ill. (Before this starts sounding any worse,) I think we need to end our relationship. Sorry. 

Dear Coco,

    I've sent you letters, I promise. Letter upon letter. But your letter told me you hadn't gotten any! That's extremely disheartening, because I wrote you a letter every day for the first two weeks since you've been gone. Albeit, I put them all in one envelope, but still! I used the address your dad gave me - the second one - and still you haven't gotten it? What gives, person-who-delivers-letters-to-guys-in-basic? I spent forever on those letters! Knock off your slackin'!


Sincerely,
Sarah Jane

Where Does The Time Go?

from pinkcheer72 on iconator

Swaying to Sway, by Michael Bublé (appropriate, eh?)

Wondering why on earth I'm up at 2:30 a.m. writing a blog post that will likely be about nothing.

    I can tell you one reason I'm awake. 

    I watched Snow White again, tonight. No, not the one that kept me awake until dawn, the Disney version. But still. As my friend Jeremy said, "There are some things - like that witch - that just stay with you, and no know matter how old you are when you watch it, it'll still get to you." You'd think I would have learned, right? Wrong! It came on after Enchanted on ABC Family. Nothing can go wrong after Enchanted. 

    It occurred to me today just how much time I waste. Not just doing random things on the internet (which, believe me, I do), but in general. I waste a lot of time waiting to fall asleep, driving to class, eating, redesigning my blog and Twitter (you like? It only took me three hours to get the fading and size right. Thank you, Picnik). I must spend a ton of time on my phone, because it was 98% charged this morning when I left for my 9:30 class, and 10% charged by tonight during Snow White, at 9:00 p.m. You'd think it would hold more charge over twelve hours. Perhaps I expect too much. After all, I did name her Persephone. She has to spend half of her life in the underworld (read: not charged).

    Also, I don't have anything constant about this blog. My dear friend Hannah has lovely little things she does every week on certain days on her blog, which I'm totally in love with, by the way.  In fact, she blogs every day. I'm lucky if I get something in every four days. If this blog is to have any point at all, I really need to get my act together and write on a schedule. I do write every day, but not necessarily for the blog. More often, it's for one of my books, or (as of late) a letter to Corey who just went off to basic training. What I need to do is choose something specific (like letters to inanimate objects) to write on a certain day every week. More than one would be fantastic, but I'm blog-blocked.

    Any suggestions? Comment, Tweet, or Facebook them to me! Thanks bunches!

Why I Will Never Watch Snow White Ever Again

from LoveHeartz at iconator

Listening to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs 
Worrying about my Italian exam tomorrow
    I should be asleep right now, but instead I decided to watch Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (which, by the way, still scares me to death and I've only seen it once all the way through). Brilliant idea at two in the morning in a dark room during a thunderstorm, right? It gets better.
    YouTube took off all the Disney movies a few months ago, but I found part one of Snow White, so I assumed I'd be able to find the rest. I couldn't. What I did find was a live action version, with a really pretty girl who, I assumed, was Snow White (called Lily in this version). Sigourney Weaver played the evil stepmother. I thought, "This ought to be good."
    What I didn't realize until I'd already clicked and couldn't possibly stop watching was that it was entitled Snow White A Tale Of Terror. As if the Disney version wasn't bad enough. Not only does the stepmother try to get her brother to kill Lily and bring back her heart, but she also makes the heart he brought back (a pig's thank goodness) into a stew and feeds it to Lily's father, as well as feasts on it herself. She also makes out with said brother, and Lily's fiancee later on, keeps the son that she miscarried - like he's alive, tries to bury Lily alive, as well as crucifies her father, turns all the servants of the house into blood crazed cannibals, pushes Lily's fiancee out a third story window through the glass, and uses Lily's father's blood to bring her son to life in some sort of ceremony (he looked like a zombie child with skeletal little hands). There's more. Rather than kill her, the apple gives the appearance of her being dead - her eyes can see, her ears can hear, but she can't breathe or speak or move, so her fiancee (whom she doesn't love anymore by this point) and the man she actually loves think she's dead and put her in a stained-glass coffin where she'll stay alive and unmoving for all eternity. It's not until they begin to bury her that the man she loves, whose name escapes me, realizes she's still alive. And I'm still not sure how. He does some sort of Heimlich deal and she spits up a piece of apple. When she comes to rescue her father and finds the stepmother and a house of zombie-slaves and a zombie-baby, and mirrors everywhere, she begins smashing them all, which of course gives evil stepmother dearest plenty of sharp objects to stab into Lily's face. Then she takes Lily by the back of the head and smashes her face into a mirror repeatedly before realizing her son is on fire from a toppled-over candelabra. That's when Lily finally gets to stab the magic mirror and kill stepmumsie, who first spurts blood from her chest, then becomes old, then gets impaled with shards of the magic mirror which explodes, then falls back into the fire and goes up in flames, then gets crushed by her huge bed which collapses on her. Her death is quite epic. All of these disturbing vignettes are filmed in far too much detail to be suitable for in-the-dark watching in the middle of a stormy night.
    I. Will. Never. Sleep. Again.